The Wounded Warrior

My journey from victim, through survivor to Warrior.

Patricia Singleton – You Deserve Your Own Love

I would like to introduce you to a shining light, a lady in every sense of the word. I feel so fortunate that she has written this for my Wednesday guest slot. Knowing her is both a privilege and an honour.

I will let Patricia introduce herself further in her own words.

I have been on a spiritual path my entire life but only in the last 12 years have I known what that entailed. My spiritual beliefs are taken from varied religions and my inner knowing. On my fireplace mantle, you will find pictures of American Indians, wolves, buffaloes, and eagles. You will find feathers, stones, crystals, essential oils, and candles. You will find pictures of Jesus, Mother Mary, Krishna, Ganesh and Sai Baba. I believe in all of them. The more I grow spiritually, the more expansive the Universe and my God become. I have been to India three times to visit Sai Baba. I was told to go home and worship the God of my understanding and to pay more attention to my own inner teacher. My stories are just a point of reference for who I am today. I don’t go around identifying myself as all of my experiences. Before I started blogging, I had even stopped calling myself an Incest Survivor because that wasn’t who I was any longer. I only do it now as a point of reference to offer what I have learned about myself because of the incest to others who might need the hope and love that I have learned. We are all so much more than our experiences can define us as.

You Deserve Your Own Love

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” Buddha

If you asked me what had the greatest effect on my healing from incest, I would tell you learning to love myself brought about the best changes in my life.  The book Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth written by Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse helped me to begin to love myself.

Another book that helped me was Compassion and Self-Hate: An Alternative to Despair written by Theodore I. Rubin. Before I could love myself, I first needed to accept that I hated myself.  I grew up hating myself because I believed all of the lies that my abusers told me. I believed that some part of me was so bad that I kept attracting new abusers into my life.  Also, I believed that I was so bad that even God wouldn’t love and protect me or hear my cries.

Some of the things that loving myself taught me were:

1.  Love doesn’t hurt and doesn’t lie.
2.  Love and fear don’t live in the same house.
3.  Loving myself means liking who I am, faults and all. I don’t have to be perfect to be loved. Incest happened to me. Incest is not me.
4.  Loving myself gave me the right to have needs and wants.
5.  Putting up healthy boundaries was part of loving myself. Those boundaries protected me from being abused again.
6.  I have choices. I will make mistakes and that is okay. Mistakes are just lessons to be learned from. I am not a mistake. With my choices, I began to trust myself.
7.  I am worthy just as I am. I am always enough just as I am. I can feel confident in who I am and in what I can accomplish.
8.  Loving myself gives me the ability to truly love others. Real love is unconditional.
9.  My value comes from who I am, not from what I do.  I have value just because I was born into this world.
10.  Loving myself means feeling all of my feelings and reconnecting with my body and my spirituality.

Some people teach you that loving yourself is selfish. Abusers and controllers especially do not want you to love yourself. If you love yourself, you are not easily controlled or abused. Abusers don’t pick children who are likely to tell their nasty secrets. So nurture and love yourself so that you can teach your children to love themselves. You often teach more by your actions than you do by your words.

Meditations to Heal Your Life, by Louise L. Hay, Hay House, Inc., Carlsbad, California, 1994, page 252-253:

“I am comfortable with my self-worth.
I can do it.
The more I support myself with love and acceptance, the more worthy I feel.  As I feel worthy, I feel better.  In fact, I feel really good. I begin to let good things happen to me.  I begin to see opportunities that I never saw before.  I let life take me in new and interesting directions.  I let my mind go beyond what I thought was possible.  I become worthy of the totality of possibilities, and life suddenly becomes very exciting. I realize that I have a right to have the life that I want.  I might have to shift this or that, scrap an old belief, let go of an old limitation, but I can do it. YES! I am worthy. I am deserving of ALL GOOD!”

Patricia Singleton
Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com

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September 14, 2011 - Posted by | #lightwarrior, WELCOME TO MY GUEST

23 Comments »

  1. Jan, thank you for the honor of being a guest blogger on The Wounded Warrior. I am glad that we are friends. You are doing so much to help other survivors – male and female – gain their voices and to start to heal from child sexual abuse.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 14, 2011 | Reply

  2. “I realize that I have a right to have the life that I want.” <---- This is great stuff. Thank you for sharing this post with us, Jan! And thanks for writing it, Patricia! You're both amazing! ❤

    Comment by Meggs | September 14, 2011 | Reply

  3. Patricia, that is a terrific list of the qualities of love! I particularly resonated today with boundaries, absence of fear, choices, a sense of worth–well, with the whole list!

    What a journey we survivors have to find our truth and strength and to tell our stories!

    Comment by Jane Rowan | September 14, 2011 | Reply

  4. Meggs, you are very welcome. Self-love is such an important part of healing. I am surprised that there isn't much more written about it.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 14, 2011 | Reply

  5. Jane, thank you. Love your statement, “What a journey we survivors have to find our truth and strength and to tell our stories.” Very true for me.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 14, 2011 | Reply

  6. Thank you again Patricia for this wonderful, enlightening post.

    I just wanted to add that learning to LIKE ourself is equally as important as learning to LOVE oneself 🙂

    Comment by Jan MetalMan | September 14, 2011 | Reply

  7. Patricia, you bring so much to all of us who have survived and even thrive. Thank you so much for this post.

    Comment by Pastor Sharon | September 15, 2011 | Reply

  8. Jan, you are very welcome. I agree that learning to like yourself can be as important as learning to love yourself. I believe that is true for any relationship. A big part of the reason that my husband and I have been together for 39 years is that we like each other. He is my best friend, in addition to loving each other. He thought me to laugh.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 15, 2011 | Reply

  9. Pastor Sharon, thank you. How nice to see you here. You are very welcome. Surviving is better than being a victim and thriving is better than just surviving. The healing makes life worth living.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 15, 2011 | Reply

  10. How beautifully written ! I hear myself in every phrase . . . the journey of learning to love myself is like observing a budding rose opening up so elegantly and gracefully while exuding a sensual fragrance that beckons me to linger and enjoy the experience languidly. I am so grateful to have connected with you, Patricia ! Blessings 🙂

    Comment by Celeste Rousseau | September 15, 2011 | Reply

  11. Celeste, thank you. You have a beautiful way with words yourself. I am glad that we have connected too. Blessings to you as well.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 15, 2011 | Reply

  12. Patricia, again I cannot begin to express my gratitude for your sharing. Although we have never met face to face, I feel as though I am so connected to you and your thoughts, because they are so similar – and your timing – I was just working on a piece about self-discovery. Thank you so much Patricia and Jan!

    Comment by Faith McDaniel | September 16, 2011 | Reply

  13. Faith, Thank you. I am glad that you too have a voice and the courage to use it. We speak for so many who haven't found their voices yet. My life has been enriched by knowing Jan as a friend for just a very short time. You are very welcome.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 16, 2011 | Reply

  14. Patricia, your light shines brightly. My life has changed a great deal lately, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your wisdom and guidance.

    Comment by Jan MetalMan | September 16, 2011 | Reply

  15. Jan, thank you for that wonderful compliment. You, too, are a light. If any changes have happened in your life, you did them with your willingness and desire for something better.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 17, 2011 | Reply

  16. Great article! Thanks Patricia!

    Comment by Colleen | September 17, 2011 | Reply

  17. Colleen, thank you for your continued support.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 18, 2011 | Reply

  18. Wonderful post and timing for me was perfect. I need to be reminded still of my worth, I don't want to die anymore , but I still need practice on the loving myself issue. Thank you

    Comment by Jan | September 22, 2011 | Reply

  19. Jan, you are very welcome. I am glad that my post came along at the good time for you to be reminded of your worth.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | September 22, 2011 | Reply

  20. ” I can feel confident in who I am and in what I can accomplish.” This is one that I'm still working on.

    Thank you for sharing these things you have learned, Patricia. It is so powerful!!

    You are awesome!

    Comment by From Tracie | October 1, 2011 | Reply

  21. Tracie, you are very welcome. I think that sometimes self-confidence comes as we age and have more experiences and make more choices about our lives.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | October 1, 2011 | Reply

  22. Wonderful post ❤ Sending you positive light, love and blessings…

    Comment by Rev. Frances | October 28, 2011 | Reply

  23. Rev. Frances, thank you for your comment here and on my blog Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker. I hope you find more to comment on here on Jan's blog and on mine. Your presence and your light are appreciated.

    Comment by Patricia Singleton | October 28, 2011 | Reply


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